Sunday, November 15, 2009

15

Cold and rainy outside today.  Perfect day for snuggling in front of a fire, or curling up in bed with a good book.  Unfortunately it's impossible to convince small children of that.  Mine, anyway.  They are little balls of boundless energy and need.  Mommy, you be bad spiderman?  Mommy, will you paint my nails?  Mommy, can I have food?  Mommy, watch me dance!  Mommy, help me with my Power Ranger costume?  Mommy, can I watch Ice Age?  Mommy?  Mommy??  Mommy!!

Growing up all I ever wanted was to be a Mommy.  Oh, I wanted to be a ballerina, an interior decorator, a teacher, a singer... but under and over and in between every other dream, I wanted to be a mother.  And I am.  I have these 3 amazing little people who call me Mommy.  Sometimes, often, I worry that I'm not doing a very good job.  After all, it's not like I had a good role model.  But I try.  I love them, with all my heart.  And I know them better than anyone else on this earth.  I could identify them by just the curve of Christopher's shoulder, the sound of Lexie's giggle, the scent of Joshua's neck.  I know who eats what, which one still needs help in the bathroom, the way to motivate each child to do which task, and how not to.  Until they change the rules on me again.  But I keep learning as they keep growing.

And they do keep growing.  Faster and faster.  From tiny infants to tipsy toddlers to solid little kids.  And sooner than I'll be ready for they'll be grown.  And I'll no longer be the one who knows them best.  I can't really imagine that yet, but I know it will happen.  That there will be someone else who knows the way Joshua likes his pork cooked, or the way Lexie prefers to keep her sock drawer.  That somebody else will know that curve of Christopher's shoulder as well as - or better than I do.

But not today.  Today they are still mine.  So I'll fix the costume, paint the nails, make the lunch, and sneak in a few cuddles here and there.  And hope when they're grown they know I loved them with all my heart.  I know I make mistakes.  I know there are a million things I could do better every day.  But I couldn't love them more if I tried.  They are my heart.     

7 comments:

heather said...

i can relate so much to your post. being a mommy is definitely the best but hardest job ever.

Jennifer said...

Yeah, no sick days, no vacation time, work nights and weekends, I have three bosses who expect everything of me. And many of the decisions I make are life or death. But, on the plus side, the benefits can't be beat. Kisses, hugs, heartfelt I love yous, knowing I'm helping to raise and mold these amazing humans. Guess it's worth the trade off.

Erin Lutz said...

This was so sweet. It's amazing how fast our babies grow up.

Angel said...

Great post! Our kids grow so fast!

Shana said...

Oh how fast they grow! Logan has a b'day this week & Jordan next week...sigh!

Jeanette said...

I love this post. It's like you were inside my head. I bet you are a wonderful mother.

Jennifer said...

Thank you. I hope I'm a good mom. They do grow up SO fast!

 

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